Forget about the Fear of Failure (FFF)

          Ayn Rand once said, “Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to achievement of your values.”  I believe that values are important, moral ones that is, for I believe that without them we would not be worthy of calling ourselves human beings. You see, we have been gifted with the capacity of choosing what we want to do and that should, by all means, only make us want to gain as many good qualities as possible. 

         There are times in our life when we feel insecure, when we tend to doubt ourselves and truthfully believe that we are not worth as much as people give us credit for. We lose our faith in both what we are capable of doing and in what we could do. Sadly, if not all of us then most go through that phase at least once in our lifetime, but it only feels like a burden because we let it be that way. In the end it only pushes us up to the point when, without realizing, we’ve gathered even more moral values, mastered things we never thought we could or simply find ourselves in the position of being that I-never-imagined-I-could-do-this type of person.  As shocking as it may seem, we all are good at something. 

         Once, a friend of mine was wondering what he was good at and he wanted my opinion. Avoiding giving him an absolute cliché as an answer, I became speechless and wanted to avoid the subject as quickly as possible.  The only thing that came to my mind in that moment was that I wanted to tell him something so nice that I would’ve restarted that burning desire of wanting to live in him. Unfortunately I failed. Here’s the tricky part about it. You think of what you’re good at and then you think that you are good at several other things as well. You are patient, loving, and honest and whatever other quality comes to your mind but you don’t own them all, and here’s where the fear of not being good enough takes over.  

        I am for sure not the most suitable person to give advice, because I am still in a constant battle with myself and my inner demons, but there’s one thing I know for sure. A saying that’s been passed throughout generations sounds something like this: A grandmother once told her daughter to tell her child that no matter what her grandchild would do he should never let his children doubt themselves when it came to what they’re capable of. This is the myth of the triple F royal blooded ones (The fierce most fearless family) or maybe just an unique way for me to show off my vast imagination. Unfortunately, it is not only useful, but also contributes to my self-destruction.  

         The truth of the matter is, you can't keep closing your eyes hoping that you'll become invisible and that your doubts will go away. Even if you like it or not, you'll be forced to grow up and you won't be kept on a pedestal forever. I am close to being one hundred percent sure that we all have great moral values even if we don’t realize it at the time being. For what it’s worth, I do plan on conquering this war I’m involved in. If the achievement of my happiness is the only moral purpose of my life, and that happiness not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of my moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of my loyalty to achievement of my values, then I believe I have a cause worth fighting for.   

Carpe diem

    George S. Patton once said, "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived." I am just going to start by saying that I do not have any regrets so far, and yet again, saying that would not be entirely true. I always had to struggle with the idea of not having the things I wanted to do done and not caring too much for the things I have done without being fully aware of the consequences. My actions prompted me to engage in the strangest most different things that would only put me in the position of wanting to do even more.
     Truth be told, I don't fear the idea of dying, for I believe that death itself only means another way for us to continue our way of being, so to speak. I highly believe that life should be lived at its fullest. As mentioned before, I don't fear death but I do fear the idea of dying before I have done everything I have ever wanted to do. The confusing part of it all is the fact that I don't have my whole life planned out and for all I know, I haven't figured out who I am either. So to have the audacity to say that my hourglass' sand has run out would only make me want to flip it and start over.
     Thinking of what I would do before my time would finally be at its end only makes me go on trips down memory lane. Isn't that what they say? That right before you die you  have a flashback which revolves around mainly everything you have ever lived that made an impact on your life. I can't help but wonder whether or not I have accomplished enough until this exact moment let alone will I know if I did in my final ones.

      Rain, yes, rain! I would stay in that peaceful outburst of neat raindrops and just let loose, that's if, of course, my health would let it happen. I would probably sing on a big stage in front of thousands of people if I would not be unknown and maybe, just maybe make myself some time to visit all of the worth remembering places. I would swim into a golden sea while staring at a cerulean painting of the sky because looking at the sky itself would be too mainstream for both me and my technology-dependent generation. I would probably redo every single thing I have done not caring about how much money it would take or I would perhaps be too poor to even have that opportunity. 
      Needless to say, I would do everything that I desire but this idea has its imperfections. I'm well aware of what I would do if I were to die right now but that happens only because by the time you have finished reading this sentence, that "right now" part would have already made some room in your past. You see, it's easy to say what you would or would not do but having to know that you are not going to die by the time you have finished reading this so called "essay" of mine really helps out. Imagine having to do one last thing realizing that by the end of it your soul would already have left your body and your body would already have become a corpse. 
      I am not certain of what I would do before I die and to be completely honest I don't even want to think it through. There's something I know for sure, I do want to be remembered after I stop being a part of this world and undoubtedly I would not want to be mourned over. 
      To sum up, I really have no clue of what I would do. Let's just say that as spontaneous as I like to consider myself I'm just going to have a huge surprise and let this thought of mine be for now. If I have come to a conclusion out of this it's the fact that I am pretty sure I wouldn't want for that moment to catch me off-guard while writing this essay. As for my advice to you? Carpe diem!